What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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