Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
