walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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