He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
