we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm too high and old for this...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
