I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
