Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
as a side note pls kill me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
