So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
