Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
