I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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