I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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