Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
