I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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