how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
