There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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