I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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