Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
