Can i not drive my cunt home
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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