I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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