But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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