In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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