I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
