you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
