some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
