I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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