I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
