return my video game
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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