There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
