Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
