Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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