Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
