I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
