You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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