Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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