I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My cat gives me a boner
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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