Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
