You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
