Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
