You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
