I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I won the penis lottery.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
