we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
