after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
