community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
