On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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