Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
