just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
a search helicopter?!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
