walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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