He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
