I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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