My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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