He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
