I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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