All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
