you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
