Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
