one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
