she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize