Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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