im six kinds of drunk right now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
