so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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