I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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