there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
