you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
