did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
